Being Kind to Yourself

Let’s imagine you have a friend who you’ve known since you were a baby and they’re driving you somewhere.  They’ve been overweight for a while and decided to do something about it.  They’re well on their way towards their goals, feel better, look better and have a self-confidence they never thought they’d have.  Everything is great.

Now imagine they’re telling you all this and you’re looking at them, noticing how much weight they’ve lost around their face already, how their tummy is now smaller than their chest and how they have started to look at a wider variety of clothes to wear.

Noticing all this, you convince them to stop at the nearest fast food place or shop.  You walk them in and order or buy something which you know would derail their efforts.  You ignore their protests because they sound a bit flim-flam and you know they don’t really mean it.  They deserve this treat, so you’re going to get it for them.

You get back in the car and you sit there, watching as you force them to eat what you’ve bought.

Why so sad; isn’t this what you want?

Now imagine you’re yourself again.

Would you do this to a friend?  Would you be able to force feed another person?  Would you want to?

I’m betting the answer is “no” to all of the above.  Of course you wouldn’t and neither would I.

There’s a moment in Friends where Rachel and Phoebe are discussing how happy they are for Monica; in the end they decide they’re 90% happy and 10% jealous.  I’m reminded of this moment because we’re all human.  When a friend does well, we may have a twinge of jealousy and that’s okay.  It doesn’t mean we would or should actively sabotage their efforts.

So, why is it not okay to do it to a friend but perfectly acceptable to do it to ourselves?  What is your 90/10?

It’s the 10% which we sometimes allow to control the decision to indulge in a food which will not help us reach our goal because when you think about the reasons why we reach for food, the answer is seldom ‘hunger’.

When I have sabotaged myself in the past, it has been for a number of reasons.  Sometimes it’s the fear of what comes next and at others it’s because I’ve convinced myself I deserve a treat and I should spoil myself.

 “Deserve:  A reaction which rewards or punishes as appropriate”

and

“Spoil:  Diminish or destroy the quality or value of”

Treat yourself at least with the same esteem you’d treat your friend and learn, through being more mindful, not to diminish or destroy the quality of you.